by
Stan Cohen
for

February 27

The majority rules. I suggested that Moiola School be
changed to a K-5 school and 6-8 students be sent elsewhere.
However, the majority of parents who returned their
questionnaires (83%) wanted Moiola to remain a K-8 school.
Tonight (February 27), the Fountain Valley School Board should
vote with the parents...

And speaking of Moiola, I was leaving the school when I
overheard a first grade boy talking with an obviously Asian
kindergarten girl. "Are you Chinese or Japanese?" he asked. She
defiantly answered, "I'm American!"...

The other day, I kept dialing the wrong number over and over
again. Did you ever wonder why wrong telephone numbers are never
busy?...

My "Cohen's Kernel" for this week is: ...the statute of
limitations on your personal income tax return (1040) expires 3
years after the presumptive filing date. In other words, if you
haven't heard anything from the IRS about your 1993 1040
(presumptive filing date was April 15, 1994) by April 15, 1997,
you can throw out all your records for 1993 and breath a sigh of
relief...

For the 3 day President's weekend, Pat and I went
sightseeing in Santa Barbara, Solvang, Lompoc, Santa Ynez and
environs. A few observations:...

...in Lompoc on Sunday, the Los Angeles Times cost $3.73...

...while traveling through the Santa Ynez mountains, with my
favorite wife and favorite dog napping, driving my new car with
the sun roof open and no traffic, listening to Tchaikovsky, I
thought, "What more can any man want?"...

...people watching in Solvang, I observed that men married
0-5 years go with their wives into Ladies Wear stores; men
married 5-15 years stand outside watching their wives inside the
store; men married 15-25 years sit on the bench outside the store
and watch all the pretty girls walking by; men married over 25
years (that's me) fall asleep on the benches...

...also in Solvang, we waited almost 1/2 hour to be served
coffee and danish in a restaurant that wasn't that busy and had
waitresses standing, talking to each other. A black couple came
over to us and said, "...now you know how it feels." We were
instant friends...

Last year, the most popular names of newborns in Orange
County were Jessica and Daniel; beats Lulu and Montgomery. And
last year, we Americans spent over 1 Billion dollars for scented
candles. Pat bought a few. Were they for light or smell,
Pat?...

Early in April, the Fountain Valley City Council is going to
propose raising residents (shades of the Bolsa Chica) water
rates. Doesn't this fly in the face of Proposition 218 which
said that much increases shall be voted on by the people so
affected?...

For just $50, you too can be stepped on. Buy a brick with
your name on it that leads to the new Boys and Girls Club in
Mile Square Park and you not only can be stepped on but feel good
about it at the same time. I think I will have a brick in my
name by calling 964-4526; I'm always being stepped on anyway...

Last week, I read in the INDEPENDENT that Huntington Beach
would save $30,000 by charging for Frisbee golf in Central Park.
In this same newspaper I read that the City Council approved
$30,000 for an operational review of the police department. Are
the Frisbee golf enthusiasts paying for a review of the
police?...

A reader writes, "I've always said that bowling is a foolish
game. You take four steps, throw a heavy ball, sit down, rest
and drink a beer. And for that you need special shoes?"...